My Own Worst Enemy

Photo: Promise Photography

Who is my biggest rival? Who hurts me the most? Who do I despise regularly? Myself. Always myself. My biggest enemy is me. 

A good friend pointed out the other night that I have an tendency to beat myself up over trivial things. I let stuff get under my skin, I let it fester, I let it grow out of proportion. Then I tell myself how much I suck, how much of a failure I am, how much nobody likes me. I dwell on my faults, I rip myself apart from the inside.

Why? I honestly have no idea. Probably because fear of failure is my biggest fear. I don't want people to see me as inadequate. So when I do anything wrong, anything at all, I get extremely frustrated. I tell myself that I suck and I'm not good at ANYTHING and I should just give up.

Because of this, it's so very hard for me to accept criticism. Most of the time, I already know I've made a mistake. I've probably been mulling over it, smacking my forehead with my palm, and generally hating myself the entire time. Then, when somebody steps in and takes it upon themselves to point out my faults, I suddenly have all of my fears and frustrations confirmed. I do suck, I am stupid, everybody does hate me. If they didn't think all of those things about me, why would they be telling me how much I failed?

Sometimes, life is hard. For everyone. Be careful with people. Even if they seem strong and carefree, they're still fragile. Take the time learn about them, to lift them up rather than tear them down.

So you feel like the Joker now

No more Aces under the table

You try to hide to hide your broken pride

But you know that you're not able

So you're a Queen without a crown

And your beauty ain't what it used to be

You try to hide behind a broken smile

But your tears keep falling right into the sea

So hold on for now

I know you'll make it somehow

So hold on for now

I know you'll make it somehow

So you failed

So you failed, now get up

Cuz history happens to the best of us

Of us

I know you can

So you failed, try again

Cuz brother, it happens to the best of us

Of us

Hold on, hold on

So you failed, now get up

Cuz history happens to the best of us

Of us

So you failed, try again

Cuz brother, it happens to the best of us

Of us

-The Best of Us The Rival

Always,

Jackelyn Stange