Who I Want To Be

Photo: favim.com

We all have an idea of how we want people to see us, an image of the person we want to be. We each portray a different persona that influences how we want people to think of us. Sometimes we get so focused on being loved by the world surrounding us, we begin to lose ourselves piece by piece. We get so caught up in bending to the whims of the crowd, we forget who we really are.

There have been times in my life that I've so desperately wanted to be accepted by everyone that I developed different versions of myself to cater to each of the people in my life. I just wanted to make everyone happy, because I wanted them all to like me.

I realized somewhere along the way that I'd lost myself completely. I didn't know which of my hobbies were things I actually enjoyed, and which I had picked up to please someone else. I didn't know who I was or why I did the things I did.

I see the same thing every day around me. People forgetting who they are in their desire to "make it" in life. Giving up their favorite old sweater because their friends think it's ugly. Sacrificing their integrity to please management.

What ever happened to being an individual? Why are we so insecure that we require constant approval?

I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be me, all of the time. I don't want to be one girl when I'm with my husband and a completely different character at work. I'm striving for uniformity.

Fake people are hard to be around. It's so easy to see right through their facade. It that the kind of person we want to be?

Being true to yourself can be so hard. It's impossible to be liked by everyone, but we want so badly to be. Personalities clash, it's part of human nature. And you know what? That's ok.

So, this is me. I'm going to be true to myself. I won't be ashamed of the person that I am. Some people won't like it, that has already been made clear. But that's fine, I'm learning to be ok with it. If someone doesn't the real me, then why would I bend over backward to try to make them? I don't want to surround myself with people who want me to be someone that I'm not. I want to be embraced by people that like me for me.

I'm straightforward and honest, I speak my mind, I don't sugarcoat things. If I think something is silly or unnecessary, I will probably tell you. I love sports, I adore puppies. Reading is an addiction of mine. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever—but, according to my mother, I give people too many chances. I have road rage. I'm extraordinarily superficial, and I'm working on that. My iPhone may have to be surgically removed from my hand. I don't drink enough water. I have a high regard for Sour Patch Kids. I'm terrible at giving compliments. I'm passionate and dedicated. I love Jesus, I hate the politics of church. I like animals more than I like most humans. I wish I was born in 1895. My family is the most important thing in my life.

This is me. Accept it, or move on. Do what's best for both of us.

Always,

Jackelyn Stange